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How dating can help you heal after an ugly divorce

Divorce isn't pretty. Few endings are. For some, though, divorce is a particularly ugly process that leaves you feeling vulnerable, afraid, and reluctant to ever start dating again. Protecting yourself from further pain is important and understandable. But as it is with many other important aspects of life, leaning too far in one direction ultimately does you more harm than good. Experimenting with dating again, when you're ready, can have a number of benefits that can actually help you move forward after a difficult parting.

Rebuilding trust

For a lot of people in the post-divorce phase, their level of trust has taken a severe beating. Casual dating with minimal commitment is one way to rebuild that trust in your fellow human beings. When you start trusting your dating partners, even a little, it can go a long way towards helping you heal. Start slow and easy with low-pressure dating situations. Give yourself some time to rebuild your willingness to trust potential, long-term romantic partners.

Re-learning your own value

Dating gives you an opportunity to see yourself as valuable from a relationship perspective. When you see that your date not only shows up, but has put some effort into looking good, being on time, and being a great companion, you begin to see yourself as valuable again. If your self-esteem took a hit with the divorce, this can be incredibly helpful. Seeing yourself as valued and valuable is a crucial component of the healing process.

Renewing a sense of hope

Feeling hopeless or helpless after a divorce is relatively common. You may believe that your life is over (e.g., that you're no one without a partner) or that no one else could possibly take the place of your ex. You can combat those faulty beliefs and fears by getting your feet wet again in the dating scene. The simple act of having an easy dinner or drink or dancing with a companion can leave you with a renewed perspective based on the hope (and reality) that you can build a happy, healthy life despite a rocky divorce.

Deciding when you're ready to date after a divorce can be tricky, but it is important to give yourself that opportunity --preferably sooner rather than later. By doing so, you help yourself heal from those difficult, post-divorce feelings. Starting to date again will help you by re-building trust in romantic partners, re-learning your own value, and renewing your sense of hope for a meaningful, enjoyable future. Join BYBER to start enjoying dating once again.

BYBER Team 😉

Photo: Messy divorce by quinn.anya licensed under Creative commons 5