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The language of love: words to use and words to avoid in online messaging

Often times in online dating, as in pretty much anything worth doing in life, there is a decent amount of ambiguity - 'what should I say?', 'what should I do?', 'when should I do it?' It can be hard to get a definite answer to anything. 

Fortunately, someone had the brilliant idea to run hundreds of thousands of initial messages from a dating site through a computer and analyze which words increased the odds of a reply and which decreased it. So, what words should and shouldn’t you use? 

Don’t use netspeak

It’s not really a surprise that netspeak (except 'lol', which saw an improvement in replies) and bad grammar and spelling saw a reduction in replies, but what is surprising is just how much it had an effect. Messages that contained the word 'ur' had a less than 7% reply rate, compared to the average of 34%. 

Messages that contained 'r' and 'u' did nearly as badly, and misspelled words such as 'realy' and 'wat' also saw a significant drop in the odds of getting a reply. Probably best to take the extra time to make sure everything is in proper English. 

Avoid physical compliments

While it might seem like a good idea to physically compliment someone early on, the data shows this isn’t a good idea. Words like 'sexy' and even the classier 'beautiful' saw greatly reduced chances of a response. So, even if they are smoking hot, don’t tell them - at least until later on. 

Use a proper greeting

It can certainly be easy to type up a quick 'hi' or 'hello', but the data shows that’s a bad idea - both saw lower than average reply rates. On the other hand, replies that were a little more in depth, such as 'what’s up' or 'how’s it going' saw far more replies than average - 'how’s it going' got a response over 50% of the time!

Talk about their interests

Who doesn’t like talking about what they’re into, right? Words like 'band' and 'studying', that are clearly referencing interests or activities all scored highly in the analysis. It’s also a great way to figure out what a good first date might be.

Keep these language tips in mind when you're using BYBER to find that special someone.

BYBER Team 😉